There must be something in the water....

So I wanted to let everyone here know before FB tells the world.

I'm pregnant and due in late October. :-) We're very excited. And yes that shirt says geek inside. On this same theme, we've already planned possible Joshoween costumes, me as a fly or something that was parasitized, Josh as a parasitic wasp, and the new arrival as a grub.

We just finished an egg coloring, egg hunt, and pinata filled birthday bash here. I wish you all lived closer. I'll post more pictures on that later since they're not on my phone.

On other news, I'll be on sabbatical this fall working on barnacles again. So life is going well.

((hugs)) to all

Moody Cranky Advice

I've been cranky, moody and wanna-be-uber-weepy this semester. At least once a week I have a day when I really just want to curl up in my office and cry. Not cry about anything, just cry.
Actually, moody isn't the word for it either, since I haven't been in a bad mood and these spells overtake me without much of a change in my mood. I don't know. There have been some blue or down times, so very tired times, some rationally irritated, some irrationally irritated, some worried times (see my blog when I eventually post about ventriculomegaly, which I just looked up again for the spelling and am re-concerned about) but those are mostly just normal emotions. This season I've also had spells of feeling emotionally really bad that felt like a physical symptom, rather than an emotion.
Anyway, this is fairly new territory for me. I think I have a fine grasp on the long-term- this certainly doesn't feel like it is inescapable or permanent. I can definitely envision that my hormones will change and that I will feel better. It's the short term that I'm having trouble with.
I don't want to explode at/cry at/nag my wonderful Mister any more than he actually deserves. I don't want to feel any fatter or lazier from sitting around eating and doing nothing than I already do. I don't want to be any farther behind in work or life projects than I already am AND I REALLY WANT to explode/cry/nag/eat/sit and do nothing.
Any advice for how you deal with ickiness you know will pass in ways that will make your loved ones still want to deal with you after it has passed?

Rutherford Robinia. . .

has a beating heart, plenty of amniotic fluid and measures 11 weeks 1 day, which, given that he/she is 11 weeks and 1 day old, are all good things.
It turns out that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage which did cause significant bleeding and could very well cause more bleeding.
Many women have these issues and continue to have healthy babies. In others it can lead to further complications. There is nothing anyone can do to ensure that one is in the former group, but for now I am extremely reassured that the baby is still intact in there and seems unfazed (doing flips all over the place and playing jump rope with the umbilical cord) by what was certainly scary and uncomfortable for me.
Thanks for all your good wishes, hugs and prayers.

News Little and Big

A) Classes here start Jan. 5 (12 hours from now) and I don't have an eight o'clock class (for the first time since I've started teaching) and I just moved to an office with windows. I may still be in the basement, but I have glare on my computer screen now. I am so excited.
B) If all goes well, Dianthus will have a sibling for his second birthday.
I'm telling my boss tomorrow, about which I am a little freaked out, so thought I should tell my friends first. From my limited sample size, I am concluding that queasiness and gross feelings are much worse the second (well, third) time around, which is allegedly not the norm.
Anyway, happy new year to all of you!
Check out Jennifer's new blog (linked below) and don't spurn me just because I'm not on facebook.

Good advice I received too late

One of my mother friends gave me this sound advice when I was seven months pregnant, so it was too late for me. When pregnant when your regular clothes stop fitting, don't spend lots of effort making them fit and don't jump into maternity clothes. Buy some clothes two sizes bigger than you normally wear.

The big advantage to this comes a few months after giving birth. At that time, one is sick of maternity clothes, sick of looking pregnant and not yet fitting into one's regular clothes. At that point, one absolutely doesn't want to go out and pay for new "fat" clothes since one is intending to fit back into one's normal size. If one had normal (i.e. non-maternity), but larger clothes sitting around, it would be psychologically much better ("hey, I fit into some non-maternity clothes) than giving in and going and buying them new ("I can't believe I have nothing to wear so I need to go pay full price for stuff in the "women's" department.")

I'm in Colorado where it was 80 degrees on Sunday for my croquet tournament (I could still wear my maternity capris, which I love) and is currently snowing, and I'm glad I went and bought a pair of big jeans yesterday-- but I actually could have used them last March.

At least my hair hasn't fallen out

Before the birth of my son, I spent a long time talking with many of you about physical effects postpartum and how, considering the lengthy list of potential problems, it's odd how little they are discussed.

For the curious, here's my experience. I don't claim that it is typical in any fashion.

Pain down there-- achy three days and then serious stinging on the toilet for about 5 days, much less bad than I imagined.

Boobs- sore cracked nipples for about three weeks; needing to wear a bra all the time, including sleeping for 5 weeks; itchy, sweaty and generally uncomfortable all the time still. Leakage when my "milk came in" and minor since, mostly at night. Did have an infection at a week and a half-- didn't take antibiotics and it went away.

Bleeding- very very heavy first two days, like a heavy period for another week, like a normal period for the next week, spotting for a while and then starting up again heavy around my four week appointment. Actually stopped at five weeks. Might have been longer since I was on blood thinners. Never had any clots the size of a fist or larger (you're supposed to call your doctor with these) but definitely passed some doozies.

Temperature control-- horrible when my milk came in (freezing and sweating simultaneously) and off for a full five weeks, including bad night sweats.

Contracting uterus-- one of the freakiest things I've experienced is the draining of my uterus by a nice nurse pushing on it, followed by direct links between dianthus sucking and tingling in my tummy region. It was very weird while still at the hospital my tummy was still so large and hard. By two weeks it was soft and now it looks like I'm just carrying excess fat around the stomach rather than recently pregnant. I'm still wearing my maternity capris but really want to lose some weight before it gets much colder so I don't need to wear my maternity pants (all of which are dress pants for work with fairly wide spandex tops and no pockets.

Post partum depression-- my crying all the time for most of the first five weeks felt more like a physical than a psychological symptom, if that makes any sense. I never thought that I was going to hurt myself or my child and I always thought that exercise and time would make it better (and I thought that it would get better), so it may not "really" have been PPD, but many books label "regular" baby blues as lasting a week or less and PPD lasting longer. I didn't stop crying daily until sometime after I stopped bleeding, about five weeks. I feel much better now.

Incontinence-- Never had any fecal incontinence, thank goodness, and urine hasn't been bad-- just when I sneeze or cough, and it's less of a problem than when I was pregnant. Still, should have done more kegels.

Hair loss- One doesn't lose much hair while pregnant (mine looked great, I might add) so sometime after the baby is born, hormones shift and one can lose six months worth of normal hair loss at once. This has not happened to me and my hair is lovely when it is down. Of course it is never down because Dianthus can grab, so I didn't really realize how long and blond it currently is until I brushed it out over the weekend. 'Cause I'm vain and want somebody to see it, I thought I'd post a picture for all of you to admire.

Oh, as to why the physical aspects are so little discussed, I suspect it is because the emotional issues overwhelm the physical or there are just too many other things to do (unlike pregnancy, which is largely waiting, so you can think about and talk about your body). Or that people need to forget quickly.

Ladies, check your nipples

So, having done it once, I am now an expert on giving birth. :-)

Anyway, the first piece of advice I have that might do someone some good is to find out in advance if you have flat nipples. Having spent a good portion of my time worrying about my nipples showing through when I teach, I had absolutely no idea that they were flat until after Dianthus* had arrived and was trying ineffectively to drink from them.

Secondly, if you are planning on breastfeeding, make sure that ALL of the nurses, particularly the night nurses, know and understand that you do not want your baby fed anything else and that you need help (particularly if you are still attached to IVs) getting the baby breast fed. This may not be a big deal at birthing centers or more progressive hospitals, but at a small hospital in WV where most patients are on medicaid and don't end up breast feeding, the night nurses are all to happy to feed and play with the babies while letting new moms sleep.

Third, if you think that you want to have a "natural" delivery (especially if on pitocin) I suggest having a better plan with your partner than just trying relaxation from yoga. It apparently worked in my case, but somehow doesn't seem like fully adequate planning.

Finally, if you somehow manage to find a nursing bra that is simultaneously cotton, supportive, non-underwire and comfortable, buy a bunch. If it happens to come in a 42F, let me know.

I'm not suggesting that I wouldn't have spent some part of every day for the last three weeks crying if I had done all of this, or that I would have gotten any more sleep, but I likely wouldn't have stressed as much about my baby not gaining enough weight or whined about my boobs quite so much. Both would have been good things.

*From the common name for Dianthus barbatus.

You are invited to Anna's baby shower

Hi Knitters - Anna wanted me to invite all of you to her shower! Sunday Aug. 9 at 10:30am. It's at her mom-in-law's house in Lawrence. Please email me at my ku address if you are able to be there and I'll send you directions & other details that I don't want to post to the world. I don't have everyone's emails so am mass inviting you.

Please join Pat (Anna's mom), Juanita (Anna's mom-in-law) and me in celebrating Anna's baby boy! We will have a brunch with Anna while she is in Lawrence.

Since Anna is in the process of moving to California, rather than overwhelming her with more items to pack and move, if you would like to give a gift, please arrange for your present to be shipped to Anna & Nate's new address: (I'll send you this)

Anna is registered at (click on the links, she's registered under Anna + her new last name):
amazon.com
target.com

We will shower her with pictures of her gifts, so bring a picture of the gift to share at the shower!

Happenings of the Greater GBKD

Maybe because I'm not on Facebook (sorry, I still might someday, but another student just tried to convince me to join which reminds me of how little I want to think about students and co-workers as "friends". Somehow I'm much better about publicly anonymously posting about my life for readers who have to seek it out rather than worrying about friends and privacy settings), or maybe because somehow I'm a social-networking "node" (this idea makes me giggle), or maybe 'cause I don't pay enough attention: I've noticed that a lot of momentous things are happening that haven't been fully noted. So, here's a partial list of things that I understand have, will or were going to happen this year and that I desire more information about.
Babies: 4 new ones-- one of undetermined sex to be induced on Wednesday, a girl to Heather due in Sept. and a girl due in October and a boy due in December; plus one one year old.
Moves: Jenny to St. Louis, Cathy to St. Louis, Jennifer to Liberty (from Independence), Molly to Utah (and a marriage), Juls to Lawrence (all completed), TT to California (in progress?), and Beth to a different place (hoped for?).
Travels: Jenny to New Zealand, Erin to Palau, Cathy to Australia, SpSq to Italy, Abby to Britain (?), Jennifer to Puerto Rico (?), Sal Sis to the Grand Canyon and Haiti (?) and many others I don't know about.
Research and Jobs: Cathy fantastic finish, Cheryl almost done, Beth closer to tenure, Juls back in grad school and with a possible new project, Abby taking great pictures and making crazy dives, Jennifer fumigating a greenhouse, TT and Irene involved with all kinds of projects, Sal Sis becomming a stricter boss . . .
On-going Stuff: beekeeping, reading, knitting, commuting, house repairs, house painting, cool crafty mobiles, pets, hiking, canoeing, gardening, fascination with mosses, summer science camps . . .
Anyway, I don't think I'm the only reader who wants more details!

Deciding Vote, Baby Classes and Student Success

My vote (or my vote and My Mister's vote) truly counted in my town's recent mayoral election. A former student running for mayor won 56 to 55 to 43 as a write-in candidate. While I'm glad I voted and think that it is pretty cool to have a vote that definitely mattered, it makes me feel uncomfortably responsible for the fate of my town over the next several years.
In other news, the Mister and I attended an all-day child birth class on Saturday. Two of the three other future mothers have been my students (and one of the dads), including the one I kicked out of class and who ate the poisonous plant in lab (and was well enough to play softball that night but not take my test the next morning). The Mister has had two of these students also and will likely have the other two in the future. Frankly it's weird to be practicing breast feeding positions in front of students, whether recent graduates or future students. It also made me very glad it was not a multi-week course (because it's not an insignificant drive to the hospital), which I had been sorta hoping for as a means of befriending other expectant parents. While I had figured that the it was much more likely that attendees would be my students' age, I didn't actually expect them to be my students.
Oh the "success" part is that even though the mayor-elect dropped my class, she is now mayor and even though the texting-poisonous plant eating student was a complete idiot in my class, she appears to be handling expectant pregnancy as a competent adult.

Type II Errors

Sign of the nerdiness of my colleagues: he was describing a student with passionate, constantly changing opinions of him, "her attitude could be graphed like a sine wave."

Sign of the nerdiness of me: I took (okay, gave blood for) a prenatal sceening test this morning. The doctor reminded me that it was good for ruling stuff out (if negative, 95% chance baby is fine), but not good for confirming anything (if positive, 97% of time nothing is wrong). I had to try and make this into a statistical test for my senior seminar class, if Type I error rate is 5% (5% of negatives are false negatives) and Type II error rates are 97% (97% of positives are false positives), can we determine anything about probability of underlying conditions? I don't think so unless we know the actual positive/negative reporting rates. Anyone geekier than I.

Alloicious Nukular (aka E. Mervivan Phogg) heart is beating just fine, by the way.

Maternity Leave Policies?

Could you look up the maternity leave policies of your institutions? I'm particularly interested in Beth's and Jennifer's as they also have faculty with large teaching loads (other places will give a semester off [or at least off from teaching] with pay, but the comment was paid that would only cost $3,000 for the price of an adjunct. Not really true in my situation), but I'm curious in general.
My institution doesn't have one! And when I went to talk to the provost about it last week, she was asking me about the provision about the Family Medical Leave Act. I'm certain I will be treated fairly and with we do actually have some flexibility because of no set policies, but still it doesn't seem quite right.

160 b.p.m. and 4 limbs

Which is good, although I think that a prehensile tail would be a nice addition for Mervivan. I am much relieved.

Slightly Scared

So I'm a little fearful at the moment and not getting anything done. E. Mervivian is due in August and I'm "10 weeks" along. I went to the doctor today for what amounted to a completely useless visit. The ultrasound machine is down so the midwife used a little doppler thing, which works effectively at hearing heartbeats after 13 weeks or so. It very rarely works at 10 weeks unless it is directly over the baby, and, obviously, did not today. While the very nice midwife explained that everything is fine and if I haven't had any bleeding or problems the baby is surely fine and I did not yell at her "I had no problems, no bleeding, no nothing last year at 10 weeks and my little fetus was dead" I'm still all worried.
And I do not want to write my syllabi or walk home in the slush falling from the sky.
(The Mister and I are thrilled about Ewaldina Mervivan Phogg, by the way. The paranoid nature of post should not be taken that I am anything other than delighted to announce his/her future presence to you.)

Trip to Lawrence

I have a date set to defend my thesis on Monday, March 3rd. I'm coming into Lawrence on Sunday evening, and I will leave on Tuesday morning (yeah, short trip, I know). I hope to see those of you who are in Lawrence or nearby - a celebration dinner is likely to happen at Pachamama's on Monday evening.

Tomorrow's the last day for me to work on the thesis before I send it to my committee. Is it done and polished? Hah. Mostly done, not entirely polished. I just finished formatting it to meet the requirements, but it still needs some content in certain spots. Like, a "conclusions" section, which is currently nothing more than some scribbled notes on scrap paper.

My biggest fear at this point is actually not related to the thesis itself, but that the baby might decide to come early while I'm traveling. She's been awfully squirmy and active lately, and although I can rationally acknowledge that that doesn't mean anything other than (probably) she's healthy, it sure feels like she's trying to figure out how to break free of her prison.

I recently switched my prenatal care and plans for delivery from a hospital to a birth center, and on my blog I go into a fair amount of detail about why. It's a long post!

Thanksgiving photo - growing tummy

Here is a picture of me that my mom took at "second Thanksgiving" - we spent Thanksgiving itself with Vlad's family and had basically another Thanksgiving dinner with my family on Saturday.

Baby update - it's a girl!

The ultrasound appointment yesterday went well, and it looks like we're having a girl! I'm delighted, since I had a slight preference in that direction (though if it turned out to be a boy, I'd probably convince myself that's what I wanted all along anyway). My husband is already plotting how to intimidate the first boy she brings home. I keep wondering what she'll look like - my money's on brown eyes and dark brown hair, but from her Swedish side there is the possibility that she could be a blue-eyed blonde. Will she be a shy quiet one, or a firecracker? Girly girl, or tomboy?

She is now 11 ounces - as my mom says, nearly the size of a can of Coke. Though some days I could swear that what I'm carrying around is a brick. Of lead.

The ultrasound now shows some very neat details other than the gender-specific ones - toes and fingers, the four chambers of the heart, little specks of kidneys.

Next week is week 20, which marks the halfway point. I know all too well that I should be patient and enjoy the luxury of sleeping through the night while I can, but I want it to be April already!